life lessons

i feel like i've aged a decade in the last week. i didn't know my eyes could be opened so wide and yet i would still have no clear idea what to do with my surroundings. "its been hard" would be the understatement of my life right now. even blogging didn't find room amongst the stress and confusion of it all. and i can't put into words even now. do you know how much that sucks?

i live through words it seems. once i can get them out, everything seems to fall into place. they bring definition. they bring guidelines and boundaries. sensibility and freedom all in one cute little ball. but when i can't even put into words i feel much like Alice in Wonderland, falling down the rabbit hole, not sure of where i'll land. only without that adorable apron.

i'm still falling. maybe someday this all will make sense. i know they say hindsight is 20/20, i wonder when that will be true here? until then i am asking for prayers. i know there is nothing defined here worth praying for, but i know the Lord knows my heart before i even ask. for that i am forever grateful. thank heavens someone does, now if he would only send me the translation ;)