"D" is for automated telephone answering services

i called USAA today. note to self, never call on a Monday. chances are it will be like any "Monday" and become completely and utterly screwed up. i must've forgotten what day it was...

ring, ring

"Hello, thank you for calling USAA, yadda yadda yadda..." it starts out so nicely. like lulling you into the calm before the storm and then leaving you without an umbrella.

teller: Please listen closely and respond saying which of the following options will help us serve you best. if you want Auto...

me: i am so smart. i want to know about rental car reimbursement. so i say "auto".

teller: you said Auto Loan, is this correct?

me: no. derr... my bad. they said listen closely. i'll get it right this time.

teller: my apologies, please try again. if you want auto loan, please say auto. if you want insurance, say...

me: insurance.

teller: you said securities, is this correct?

me: no? huh? (where the heck did they get that..)

teller: my apologies. (i am starting to hate this phrase about now) please try again. if you want Auto loan...

me: insurance. (i got it right this time)

teller: please say or enter your USAA number using the touch-tone keypad on your phone.

me: beep, beep, beep, beep, schnaapp. boo boo.

teller: my apologies, i didn't get that. please try again...



needless to say, after a few minutes of this i finally got a real person on the line. i know they are trying to be "faster" with this new technology, but when the teller doesn't know English and i don't know how to listen... well, it really isn't that much faster. and its so much easier just to say "re pre sen ta tive". enunciation mandatory.

so, like i said, "D" is for automated telephone answering services... dratted, dumb, dastardly, devious, draining, dense, diabolical...